The Basics to having Boundaries
- Boundaries Are Not About Punishment — They’re About Protection
Boundaries are not unloving, selfish, or ungodly. They are a way to steward your emotional, spiritual, and relational health.
Biblical support:
- Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
- Galatians 6:5 – “For each one should carry their own load.”
- Luke 5:16 – Jesus regularly withdrew to pray and rest (modeling boundaries even with good people).
Lysa’s words (short excerpts):
- “Boundaries aren’t about building walls. They’re about creating clarity.”
- “Healthy boundaries honor the limits God designed within us.”
Even Jesus limited access. Unlimited access is not biblical love—it’s burnout.
- Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconciliation or Continued Access
You can forgive someone fully and still decide they are not safe to have close access to you.
Biblical support:
- Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
- Matthew 18:15–17 – Jesus outlines relational distance when repentance is absent.
- Proverbs 22:3 – “The prudent see danger and take refuge.”
Lysa’s words:
- “Forgiveness is a command. Reconciliation is a choice built on trust.”
- “You can release someone from your heart without re-inviting them into your life.”
Forgiveness heals you. Reconciliation requires mutual repentance and change.
- You Can Love Someone Deeply and Still Say Goodbye
Some goodbyes are holy, necessary, and God-led—not failures of faith.
Biblical support:
- Acts 15:36–40 – Paul and Barnabas part ways due to conflict.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1,6 – “There is a time to keep and a time to throw away.”
- 2 Timothy 4:14–15 – Paul warns Timothy about Alexander causing harm.
Lysa’s words:
- “Not every goodbye is a rejection. Some are a redirection.”
- “There are relationships we don’t end because we stopped loving—but because staying costs us too much.”
God sometimes removes people not to punish us—but to protect what He’s growing in us.
- Boundaries Clarify Expectations and Reduce Resentment
Unspoken expectations breed bitterness. Boundaries bring honesty into relationships.
Biblical support:
- Matthew 5:37 – “Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No,’ no.”
- Ephesians 4:25 – “Put off falsehood and speak truthfully.”
- Proverbs 27:5 – “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.”
Lysa’s words:
- “When we don’t set boundaries, we secretly hope people will just know—and then we resent them when they don’t.”
- “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
Boundaries are not mean—they are merciful to both people.
- God Is Near in the Grief of Letting Go
Even necessary goodbyes carry grief—and God does not rush us through that pain.
Biblical support:
- Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.”
- Matthew 11:28 – “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened.”
- John 11:35 – “Jesus wept.”
Lysa’s words:
- “Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the pain. It means learning to live well again.”
- “God never wastes our heartbreak.”
Grief is not weakness—it’s evidence of love.
- Boundaries Help You Stay Who God Is Calling You to Be
Without boundaries, we slowly lose ourselves trying to keep peace, approval, or connection.
Biblical support:
- Galatians 1:10 – “If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
- Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world.”
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Bad company corrupts good character.”
Lysa’s words:
- “You are not responsible for managing someone else’s reaction to your obedience.”
- “Boundaries protect the calling God placed on your life.”
You can’t fully obey God while constantly betraying yourself.
A special thank you to Lysa Terkeurst for her book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, which this article was inspired by.
