I returned from another doctor’s appointment baffled and defeated as my tests results revealed Cortisol levels that went through the roof…again.
John and I couldn’t figure out why this kept happening because I was doing my very best to take care of myself. I was getting eight hours of sleep, working out daily, eating clean foods, enjoying healthy friendships and a good, stable marriage. I was also leaning on God, journaling with Him, reading my Bible and praying about a thousand times a day. All the bases were covered as there truly wasn’t enough hours in the day to do a thing more!
Up until this point, God had healed me of osteopenia, massive hair loss and extreme anxiety but, I was hovering at this health stand-still for a while, wondering if this was it. I knew God was capable of more and I sure didn’t want to settle for half a healing if I could opt for the ‘Deluxe Complete Healing Package’.
After the drama/trauma of 2020, I asked the Lord for a new vision for this new year. This is what I heard: “Healed from the inside”.
I instantly felt God was revealing the source of my Cortisol issues was unhealed trauma; if I wanted more, I had to go deeper.
This compelled a dive into past prophetic words spoken over me. As I sifted through the pages, a common theme was threaded throughout the words. “Proper Identity” kept coming up over and over again.
I looked in the mirror asking God,
“Who am I…really? Who did you create me to be? When you formed me in my mother’s womb, what was your divine idea for my existence?”
I blinked, waiting to hear as clearly as the words, “Healed from the Inside.”
But, nothing came.
Therapy wasn’t an option, so I reached out to friends for book suggestions.
As I began my quest, I asked God to highlight teachings that would help and reveal those that wouldn’t serve me. Many Believers have a fear of therapy or anyone outside of the church lending a hand, but I trusted the Almighty was capable of using anything as long as I kept Him first. I continued my research, asking the Holy Spirit to check my spirit if something didn’t align with His heart.
One of the things I learned was the brain is neuro-plastic, meaning it is pliable and adjustable. We create neuro-pathways from our daily thoughts, which influence our daily habits. If we grew up in a toxic environment or have buried trauma, these toxic thoughts can go unchecked.
Often this auto-pilot, inner dialog steers our lives in a negative direction. No matter how ‘positive’ we attempt to be, our unchecked ‘default settings’ can set us up for failure. The upside of neuro-pathways is their pliability; new ones can be formed by repeating new thoughts! For proper healing, we must discipline ourselves with an intentional re-boot of our systems. How powerful could this be if we updated our minds with God’s programing?
This was my biggest take-away: We are not our inner thoughts but the ‘Thinker’ who thinks them!
When I learned this, I felt such relief. No wonder my cortisol levels were not catching up with all my healthy living choices! It was my toxic inner dialog that was keeping my body in a continual state of flight or fight. This is what un-dealt-with trauma does! It gets buried until our bodies are no longer able to contain it, reflecting in poor health and unstable emotions. This of course, sets the stage for a trickle-down effect of suffering relations, constant apologies and a life rife with shame.
Journaling has been the backbone of much of my healing and I wanted to share the process of how God has been re-programing my mind. I will continue to do exercise as ‘negative thoughts’ pop up and reveal themselves as I truly believe living in divine health requires a deep commitment to your healing.
Journaling Prompts for Proper Identity in Christ:
Journal to yourself:
Write down a list of all the positive AND negative things spoken over you by your father, mother, grandparents, teachers, babysitters, any powerful influence in your life.
Many of these things will line up with your default ‘inner dialog’. They are not God’s truth about who you are, but many of us take on these things as if they are.
Journal to God:
Ask God to tell you what He has to say about you.
*Remember, God’s Spirit is not condemning; His truth expands your heart to receive peace, vision and hope. God’s words bring life. The enemy’s lies bring death, destruction and condemnation.
Reprograming your mind with God exercise:
-Hit the record button on your phone or Alexa device
-Speak in a slow, low voice, declaring what GOD SAYS about you.
-Keep reading the same words for 20 minutes.
I suggest:
-Listening to this recording on a nightly basis, before you go to bed.
-Or setting your alarm to hear it as you wake up, get ready and brush your teeth.
*This exercise will reprogram your thoughts with God’s thoughts (In your own voice, powerful stuff!) Unlike a mind-less meditation where you empty your mind, you’re filling it with the proper tools so you can function in a healthier way.
Prayer for Proper Identity:
“Lord, I let go of every limiting word spoken over me. I untangle my mind, body and emotions from the confusion and shame this has caused.
Today, I give you each word that does not serve my greater good. Clear my heart of this heavy, acidic garbage. I want what you have for me, so I am making room for that now.
Give me the faith to believe and receive every good word you speak over me. I open myself to being filled with joy, peace and hope.
I forgive those who hurt me intentionally or unintentionally. Fill me with the grace and understanding that we are all in a state of ignorance; we all need you to lead us, to bring out the gold in us and help us bring out the gold in others.
Whisper my proper identity whenever I fall back into my old ways of thinking. Give me the patience to keep coming to YOU for who I am. In Jesus’ name, thank you for creating me with such intention and purpose. Amen.”
