“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
I was crying out to the Lord, in my brokenness of, I can’t believe I’m still an emotional person. Like, why do I let my emotions rule? Why am I still all these like things that I don’t want to be, when the Spirit of God lives inside of me? I just haven’t received full victory.
I said, “God, why do you love me? Like, why would you die for me? I’m not worthy. I know who I am and your generosity makes no sense!”
He brought to my attention that even in my sin, He blessed me. He allowed me certain levels of success and to be able to move in certain circles and then there was a certain point where he took it all away. I couldn’t help but notice He was blessing me even in my sin!
Then, in His great love, grace and mercy, He allowed me to become broken.
He spoke to my heart, “I had to break you, to draw you closer to me. I want you to think about that. I had to break you, to draw you closer to me.”
What does that Bible verse say? God draws near to the broken hearted. My heart had to be broken before I could be drawn into His presence because my own sin had separated me from Him, to the degree that He had to break me so that He could have the chance to draw close to me!
This is how Good our God is; He will do a controlled break. Sometimes when a bone is not healing properly, a doctor will do a controlled break to align a bone properly or improve function and healing. This is a painful process but a vital one for things will be disjointed, painful and even destructive if they continue in dysfunction.
Our Father allows us free will to make some pretty bad decisions. In my case some very destructive choices; but in His mercy, He allows us to become broken so He can align our hearts and lives to wholeness and purpose. I wouldn’t take back those years of breaking as I have come to God to piece me together and He has given me so much peace and clarity in exchange for the chaos and destruction I brought upon myself.
“Heavenly Father,
Forgive me!
You aren’t looking to bless the blessed.
You’re looking to bless the broken…to draw all who are humble into your healing embrace.
Forgive my attempts to fix, manage and rule over my image and reputation.
I bare myself before you, Lord.
Reveal what you see so I can remove everything offensive in me.
I cannot honor you with my words, but my heart stance and life choices reflect something different.
When you open my eyes to see myself as I truly am, let the pain and sorrow of genuine repentance flow.
I will not stop the move of your spirit which works to cleanse me from all unrighteousness so I can reflect The One who died to blessed the damned and make me His own.
In Jesus’ name, let my life reflect my gratefulness, amen.”
