Lately, I find myself continuing to ask God, “How come I don’t feel your presence, like when people go and worship God, they’re crying and they’re feeling the presence of God? I’ve heard so many of my friends say stuff like, “My gosh, I got the chills. Don’t you feel him?” I’m like, no, I don’t. I’m like, “God, am I nuts? Why do I never feel you?”
I never have these ooey gooey encounters with God.
I implored, why is that, Lord?
I felt an instant download to my spirit: “I don’t want to feed your emotions; because you’re already addicted to them. If I care about your well-being and character development, why would I give you an experience so you can be more addicted to your feelings and emotions?
I want you to come out of that, to lean on what you see. Look around you. What evidence do you see of my love?
I say, “I see blessings, Lord.”
I hear a question: “Aren’t blessings evidence of my goodness, because “Every good thing comes from God, right?”
I said, yes. My blessings are evidence of your involvement in my life.
Next He asks me, “What is your love language?”
My love language is gifts! I love getting gifts, wrapping gifts, receiving gifts and I also prefer really clear communication.
He says, why do you love gifts so much? I really thought about it. The reason why I love gifts is because a lot of people will say empty words, but, a thoughtful gift, makes me feel, seen, noticed and invested in. When that person walks away, I have tangible evidence they cared for me. In my intimate friendships, I like clear communication because when I was younger my family did not express their thoughts or feelings and it made me have to figure things out. I didn’t like that at all. It made me feel unstable in their love.
Then the Lord says, I know your love language, and I’m speaking to you through your love language. He says: “Look at John.”
I think about my adorable, caring and doting man. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. John is everything I ever wanted; above and beyond what I prayed for.
I felt Him say to my spirit, “Am I not Loving you by answering your very specific prayer? Gift giving is your love language, right?” God notices who I am and is showing up very specifically for me! He wants me to pay attention and notice those things and glorify Him through them. God also speaks to me in a very clear way. I don’t hear Him all the time but when I do it’s such a gift and a pleasure…especially since deep, thoughtful communication is important to me.
Perhaps you’re like me, looking to have an emotional experience with God but He wants to give you what you NEED, not what you WANT and for good reason, because He is developing something through it.
“Heavenly Father,
Who am I without all the drama?
Without all my feelings, emotions and opinions?
Who I would be without these things?
These thoughts lead me to the truth…I need you.
I’ve worshiped my emotions; they’ve tossed me to and fro with nowhere to go.
Lord, you alone know the path to true peace and victory.
I am tired of leaning into my understanding.
Today, I dethrone the false idol of my emotions and give you Lordship of my heart.
From this day forward, give me the wisdom to stop the spiral of negative thinking or trying to figure things out.
Give me the strength of character to lean on you for Wisdom to do things differently.
I want to change, not for a makeover but for your spirit to do a complete take over.
Not my will but yours be done. Bless me to overcome…myself. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
