I have always encouraged my YouTube family to find community to hug, talk to and pray with as it is important for each of us to be able to lean on each other.
The reason this is important is because God told us to do this…and not doing it puts us at risk for isolation which can lead to deception and even drifting away from His voice and personal accountability.
I’m so grateful for my beautiful Big Sister, Manna Ko. When I’m hitting a rough patch, or when she is we lean on each other, pray for each other and also process through the pain and confusion life brings.
As I was posting our Series on Spiritual Warfare, I got hit with so many spiritual attacks, on my health, sleep, family and relationships. The darkness was really pressing in on every side.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-12
I got a call from my friend Manna, who was interceding on my behalf. She felt God had something to tell me and gently warned it was an admonishment.
“A while ago, I sent you a crown.” It was a beautiful rhinestone crown that sparkled brightly. It reminded me of my beauty pageant crowns I had passed along to my princess-obsessed nieces.
“I remember…” I said sheepishly knowing Manna would remind me that I had also given her crown to my niece.
“I’m not mad or offended that you gave that crown away; I was sad because it told me you couldn’t receive it. I was giving you this crown as a prophetic symbol of how God sees you…as His little princess. Every crown you’ve been given you continue to give away. There is something deep inside of you which does not see yourself properly. You need to pray about that.”
It registered in my spirit that Manna was onto something. So, I took it to the Lord in prayer.
My conversation with God went something like this: “Lord, I repent for discounting the words and gifts you’ve been trying to give me. For some reason, I’m not seeing myself as worthy. If I am your precious daughter and I cannot receive, I can only imagine how this hurts your heart. Forgive me, Lord. Show me what I’m missing and help me to be in right standing in my own mind about how I stand with you.”
Instantly, I heard the words: “Remember your favorite story.” I saw the cover to my favorite childhood book.
Let me read what this book was about:
At seven years old, Sara Crewe has it all. A loving father, a substantial fortune, and everyone’s love and adoration. Intelligent, imaginative, and kind, Sara sees through flattery and remains unspoiled.
So when her father, a widower stationed in India, decides to send her to an all-girls boarding school back in England, Sara is excited to set off on her little adventure. A new life awaits her at the prestigious Miss Minchin’s Seminary for Young Ladies, where everyone treats her as a little princess and wants to be her friend.
The proud headmistress, Miss Minchin is all too glad to accept Captain Crewe’s generous contributions to ensure special privileges and extravagant indulgences like a private room with a personal maid and a separate sitting parlor just for Sara. But not everything that glitters is gold…
Though Miss Minchin openly flatters Sara due to her wealth, she secretly harbors jealousy and dislike towards her. And when Sara’s life turns upside down after the tragic loss of her father, she’s left penniless and desperate to discover Miss Minchin’s true nature. After spending her life showered in love and affection, gifts, and luxury, can Sara learn to survive in a place where everyone treats her like a servant?
Then the Lord, spoke to my heart, “You loved this book because this is your story.”
I keep dropping my crown, forgetting my standing with Abba. As I wrestle against the Spirit of Fear and Religion which is a hard taskmaster, I never feel satisfied as if what I do has not been pleasing enough for God.
I am missing out on the joys and blessings in my life because I’m focused on the things wrong with me that need to be worked out. I’m not able to enjoy where God has me because the Enemy is jealous of God’s love and favor upon my life and the only way to siphon that is to get me to see myself as a slave, not a daughter of the king.
When you come from a religious household or even a performance-driven, perfectionistic view, it is hard to just enjoy and celebrate where you are instead of focusing on where you want to be. If this is your struggle, would you join in this prayer to be set free?
“Heavenly Father,
I’m so grateful for your life of suffering poured out for me; a thousand times a day, I don’t feel worthy.
The lie is: I need to prove my worthiness.
The truth is: you died for sinners who could never do enough to earn your good graces.
Your gift of freedom and life comes from Jesus. His blood made a way for me to step into my high calling as a Chosen One.
Forgive my refusal of your blessings and favor.
Without realizing it, I’ve chosen a slave’s mindset which has kept me chained and held me back.
When the enemy throws a cloak of darkness which drops me to my knees, I will look to you my loving Father who wants to provide all my needs.
I am you’re Beloved, a daughter to the King.
When I forget, remind me of who I am and how much you love me.
It’s not shameful to ask for more of you, Lord for in your light, I see my true identity.
In Jesus’ name and for your glory, Amen.”
