“Who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgressions.” Psalm 19:12-14
“Heavenly Father,
I’m so grateful for your patience and longsuffering. I’ve been consumed with my projects. Help me to focus on my worship, heart, and attention on you. There are thigs you are shaking from me (I saw an earthquake rattle my ‘world’) and this loosened what was in my hands. It’s like you are asking me to hold things loosely. (things I’m used to doing) so you and I can move in a less cumbersome way.
I find this exciting and scary at the same time. (I saw a vision of a dad stooped down across from his daughter, holding out his hand in a very safe but encouraging expression of: ‘Give it to me.” The little girl was intently watching her father’s expression to gauge whether she could trust him with her treasure.
I felt like the ‘treasure’ wasn’t a bad thing, but it’s prominence and importance needed to be put on hold and it would be there for a more appropriate time.
Lord, thank you for gently asking for the idols I didn’t realize I was holding—habits, mindsets, ever certain ways I prefer to do things—all of it matters to you! I’m grateful for this current fast as you have given me freedom through this discipline! How ironic! Freedom through Discipline.
I’m so grateful for all you’ve shown me—the errors of my ways. I don’t ever want to grieve you or live in willful sin. Continue speaking, leading and guiding me in all things for you are a patient father, with my future, character, influence and eternal legacy in mind.
I am just a child that can barely see past my desires. I realize now why you told me I would live a lifestyle of fasting. Fasting doesn’t mean simply fasting from food. It can mean giving you something for a temporary season. Anything that has gotten out of balance, so it can be placed in it’s proper order. I must stay alert to your voice so I can develop into the character of your Son.”
Story time break:
During a fast a couple of months back, I felt God say: “Give, give me your workouts, give me your Channel, give everything to me, lay it all out on and I was like: “What does God want from me? Does everything have to go? What is this?”
I had asked Him to show me anything in that needs in me that needs to go. And the Lord was kind of shaking me and saying, “I want everything you hold as your identity, personality and habits…hold all those things loosely.”
I was like, “Wow, who am I without those things? Is he going to strip it all?” But that’s not what he told me to do. He just said, hold it loosely.
Recently He put it on my heart to go without makeup for a week. I have trouble presenting myself in public places without makeup. There are times when I could go to the gym without makeup. People do it. He’s like, “I don’t want you to feel insecure or bad about yourself. Not wearing makeup is appropriate for where you’re going.” Hmm. Yes. I really don’t need to have a full beat face to go to the gym. I’m going to be sweating it off. I’m concerned I’m going to run into someone I know. He’s like, “So what, you run into someone you know? Don’t they take off their makeup?” “Yeah, you’re right, God. You’re right. Everybody goes home and washes off. their makeup.”
What I loved about my vision was God (as the Father) was not forcing anything out of the little girl’s hand. He was patiently waiting for her to look into his eyes and trust that when the time is right, she will have access to whatever she needs. But right now, she needed to give this to him.
The Lord has been telling me. “I’m shaking you. It’s like an earthquake. An earthquake loosens everything up.” He’s asking me to hold the things I hold, dear, loosely. Not give them up, not to throw them away, but just hold them loosely. It’s like He is saying: “Hey, can I have that for a minute? Can you fast from makeup for a week? Can you not pray like that today? Ask me. Ask me.”
I feel like us as humans, we do things not only for efficiency’s sake, but because of a wound we adjusted to living with.The Lord took me back to when I was younger. As a kid, I asked questions. When you have a learning disability, that’s the vibe. Unfortunately, this can be irritating to the people around you.
“Why doesn’t this make sense to me? But I don’t understand! Can’t we do it this way? How come this is not working?” Me asking questions was a source of irritation and overwhelm. It strained my relationships, with my parents and teachers. I’m sure it was annoying. So what happened? I learned to do things on my own and figure out systems that worked for me.
For example: Audio prayers help me stay focused, concentrated and on point. I’m just going to send my friend an audio prayer. The Lord’s like, “Hold on, hold on. What about you just connecting with me? And what about you asking me? If, this is what I want you to do for this person and in this circumstance?” Maybe God wants me to lift up this request in my private prayer closet and pray it out there. Perhaps sending an audio prayer will create an ungodly dependance that isn’t good for me or the other person!
I’m thinking, oh, I’ve got this covered. I’m just going to do what I always do because is what I do. And God’s like: “No, no, no, no. I actually want you to ask me for every little thing. I’m like, “But Lord, isn’t that annoying? I don’t want to annoy you. I know you got stuff you’re doing. I said, I can just shoot off an audio. It doesn’t matter. You can hear this. You hear the audio and you hear me praying in the closet. What does it matter? What matters is, that I ask him, if this is the time for that. Is this the time for me to work out? Is this the time for me to fast? Is this the time for me to wear makeup? Is this the time for me to pray?
The Lord actually… Wants ask us or wants us to ask him about everything. Or maybe not ask, but consider and start the conversation of including Him in our life and choices. He isn’t annoyed by our dependance on Him. It is His desire.
