When I first came back to Jesus, and was receiving deliverance, God sent a man to pray for me over the phone. He was a stranger who called himself Captain. My deliverance was long and intense. This man had a full-time job and was a father of two children. He was a stranger who took hours away from his family to help me out. We had about three phone calls. Then I felt in my spirit it was time to release him and trust God for the rest of my deliverance.
When I first came back to God, I felt Him whisper to my spirit, “Your life will be a life of Prayer.” I didn’t know what that would look like, but I was so happy to be alive and that God was giving me another chance, so I began activating my gift immediately.
Before saying goodbye to Captain, I remember praying for him, asking God to bless him and to use me to help others the same way Captain had helped me. Captain stopped me and said, “The best thing you can do is just keep walking with God. If He calls you into this ministry, He will anoint you for it. But, don’t seek it out because it’s not meant for everyone.”
Over time, God healed me as I read Scripture and Obeyed what God was instructing me to do. It wasn’t a perfect walk, but God has covered my mistakes with such grace, it causes me to love Him even more.
As I began my early Christian Walk, I used Facebook to explore my gift of writing. I was reading the word, and sharing personal devotionals on my page, using Facebook as a witnessing tool. A friend of mine encouraged me to start a website. I was so traumatized by my Demonic Experience; I felt a website would be a wonderful way to share the very real world of Spiritual Warfare.
That same friend suggested I start a YouTube channel and share prayers and encouragement by taping myself. This verse instantly came to mind:
“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matthew 6:6
Instantly, I shut down her suggestion, thinking it definitely must NOT be from God. I was enjoying developing my gift of writing and sharing devotionals on my website. It was a wonderful place to grow with less pressure and scrutiny.
I wasn’t sure if hiding behind the scenes was a desire of my own flesh or fear of another public failure, or me just being an introvert but I stood firm on not hosting a You Tube channel. Every time I would see this friend, she would tell me I really needed to pray about starting my own channel.
Then John and I move from Chicago to California. We have both dreamed of living here since we were children and felt this move was a reset and an answer to our lifelong prayers. In California, we visited churches, Bible studies and prophetic events.At one of these prophetic gatherings, a woman approaches me and says, “Why haven’t you started your YouTube Channel?”
I stared back at her in shock and disbelief. She had no idea I was asking God for the next directive for my life! This stranger was confronting me with something I’d buried a long time ago.
The stranger continued, “God told you to start a YouTube channel years ago. Why haven’t you done it? It’s been so long you’re on the verge of disobedience.” Her eyes were loving, curious but firm. Prophetic people carry a very strange aura.
It had been years since I had even thought about the original person who told me to start a channel. I dismissed her as missing the mark but now, confronted with this new woman who seemed to own her authority, I instantly felt a pressure in the pit of my belly. It felt like an out of body experience. I went home and prayed.
“God, you know I don’t want to do this. I don’t even know where to start or what you want me to say. If this is truly from you, you will help me. I will hear from you and know it is time.”
Not too long after that, I got a very vivid dream. It was about BLM and twisted agenda hidden behind it. That was my first upload. I was nervous, shaky. Unprofessional. Stiff. All my videos felt so bad, but God instructed me of things to share, like my testimony and He continued to light the path to my next thing.
The crazy part about all of this is, John, my husband was the one who edited my videos. He owns his own company and already has a lot on his plate. I felt awful that my calling was now costing him time when he didn’t have it. I’ve never been tech savvy and did not feel I had one ounce of me that was capable of editing a video, but as I was praying for John, I felt the Holy Spirit say, “Let’s edit a video together.”
I was like, “God, I can’t do this!”
I felt Him say, “With me you can. Let’s try.”
My stomach churned with curiosity and excitement. As I stood at my computer, I felt the flow of the Spirit, directing me to cut, drop, insert, download, upload, etc…I was dancing and laughing as I couldn’t believe I was actually doing it! And I was doing it WITH God! When John got home that night, I had edited a whole video. I was so elated. God confirmed that not only did He tell me to start this channel, that He would help me!
Filming, sharing my personal stories and journals is not easy. Editing is not easy. This job is time-consuming and it is not a money maker. I must say, I’m walking in my purpose and I am not doing it alone! I definitely know God has me where He wants me. As long as He gives me something to share, I pray to stay faithful to obey Him.
Are any of you struggling to find your purpose? Has God called you into something that feel like such a stretch for your personality and skill set?
Let’s pray!
“Heavenly Father,
You have a plan for each of us. Some will respond to the call and others are intimidated by it.
Let us not veer into insecurity, disobedience, or delay for we find our true purpose buried in YOU.
You aren’t calling us to be rich or famous. We are honored to glorify your name and tell others how great YOU are!
Bless our gifts; help us to steward them well and to honor what you’ve given.
What did you create me for?
Who are my people? What is my purpose? How can I use what I have to draw people into your presence?
Show me, Lord. Then give me the strength and tenacity to walk it out.
Today I refuse to bow to men or religious systems.
I want to honor you in all I do. From the privacy of my home to my public reflection of you.
Fill me with vision, stamina, purpose, love, passion and compassion to keep serving and loving others well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
When I am in my prayer time, asking God what He wants from me. He always has me go back to the little things. How am I loving? Serving? Forgiving? Forgetting?
I feel led to read this verse:
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13
At the end of the day, my goal is to walk in love which is hard in this hateful, vengeful, jealous world.
If I have this channel, but do not love than I am not successful in the eyes of God. I don’t want that at all!!!!
So, I give Him this channel because I trust He is bringing the right people to it and He will do something through it. That’s not my part to manage.
