Hearing the voice of our Abba is our birthright. As a child knows it’s mother’s voice from the moment it leaves the womb and is brought out into spacious places, so we also are born drawn to the voice of the One who has carried us, nourished us, and treasured every moment of our existence.
My journey of recognizing our Father’s voice began in the midst of a very broken life; there was much to be healed, much to be cleared away, and much to be planted.
I was like a little child lost and afraid in the midst of a busy and foreign place. Yet the moment I cried out to Abba, there He was to take hold of me.
And so I began my journey with the One who heals the broken-hearted and binds up our wounds; the One who sets our feet on a rock and makes our steps firm.
It is most fitting to say that in the beginning of this journey, rather than walking, I was carried. A weak and broken daughter, I had a hard time knowing in which direction to go as right and wrong according to Father’s establishments wasn’t demonstrated to me nor was I loved and cared for according to His plan. Often I was sorry, but I didn’t know why. Often I wanted to go a new way, but I didn’t know how.
In the beginning, the first thing our Father did was love me. He didn’t come to me with a list of faults and tasks, but with His love and ring of promise. He knew my heart problem was not a problem with the way He made my heart, but rather the result of a life not knowing, loving, being known, and being loved by the very One who gave me life.
In time I began to see and believe in my heart that I was loved by Him and I began to see Him, myself, and the world around me more clearly.
By His Spirit, Abba opened my mind to see and understand in His Scripture His words that would help build the new path I would walk on. His trustworthy Spirit enabled me to recognize that I was being offered a new life to live as a new creation in my Savior; a life that was very different from the one I had known and was seeing all around me.
By His love and by His Spirit I began to get my footing as the path of repentance became visible as the way into this new life. This new way was one leading me out from darkness and into the light. I began to see my own choices clearly for the first time through the light of His Word, and began asking Abba for forgiveness for the choices I made that broke His heart, broke others hearts, and that broke my own heart.
His love pouring out into my life began to cleanse me and comfort me, like hyssop on an open wound. The more I came to Him, the more I was washed, and the more I was washed the more it became apparent to me that I was in need of not only a repentant heart, but a contrite spirit. This began the great process of becoming humble before a Father who knew all things about me, loves all things about me, and strongly desires to lead all things about me in His ways of everlasting.
I began to understand that I had received my Lord’s forgiveness indeed and that I was then in turn to freely forgive others. Abba’s tender Spirit patiently and faithfully walked me through this challenging but essential process of restoration, never leaving my side.
As we walked through the caverns of my heart once filled with fog and cobwebs, broken lanterns and stumbling rocks, the voice of a much loved child and her Father began to breakthrough the seemingly sound proofed walls.
In these newly swept rooms of my heart I sat regularly with the Holy Spirit, who has longed for a lifetime to share in intimately wonderful conversations with me. On the couch of meekness and humility that we built together, I began to recognize that my Father not only had great love for me, but also a way of living that He wanted to teach me as His child; a life of choices and actions that would set me apart from the world around me. With His tender mercies wrapped around me as a blanket, I began to see what had kept me in darkness for so long. I began to see how it was that I had felt left in a busy and foreign place and how my thoughts, choices, and actions had led me astray.
I was blinded by pain, unforgiveness, pride, confusion, and a lack of knowledge and vision to name just a few. It wasn’t that my Abba had left me, or forgotten about me, or had stopped speaking to me. He was always speaking. Only I was spinning so much, with so much pain and burden within my heart, that I struggled to perceive His voice.
Each day along this journey Abba has set the most beautiful table before me, and eagerly with hope has awaited my arrival. With time spent together in this secret garden of our very own secret place, my path has continued to grow brighter like the morning sun as Father steadfastly raises me up as His own.
He’s been teaching me what it means to be His child and an ambassador for Him in this world. With great mercy and kindness Abba has continued to let me see where I’m not walking yet fully in the light and invites me to travel further, hand in hand with Him, into His glory in all the facets of my life.
Now as His daughter, I have the power, by His Spirit living within me, to live and make decisions based upon His Word and His Kingdom’s ethics and principles that will bring Him great joy and reflect the life of His beautiful Son in me.
This of course, has been a great and trying process of being renewed and restored to His original design for me, one that has required the grace that He generously gives each day. It’s a process that’s felt like fire and water, living and dying, all while being sheltered in the warmth and majesty of His love.
It’s a process that has entailed me seeking to know Him through His Word, creating a place of stillness for Him in the day. It’s a process where I’ve felt that I’ve failed many times or may not ever grow forth in, but thankfully it has been His strength and will that works in me to continue on in glory to glory. It’s a daily process, and to my blessing, has become my daily bread.
Our Father wills that my mind will be renewed, so that I will no longer be conformed to the patterns of this world; so that I will learn to discern His good and perfect will for my life. So that I will be a city on a hill; so that my choices and way of life will bring glory to my Father in heaven and praise on the day my Lord returns. So that my life will be a living invitation for others to want to run back into their loving Father’s arms.
This continual yes, yes to Him, yes to His ways, Yes to His love and Yes to His never ending mercies – which at times I have said with ease by His grace, and at times have felt as a pain-filled sacrifice – these yes’s have been the path of my ears beginning to perceive again the beautiful voice of my Abba.
Returning and offering my heart, my time, my mind, and my will to my Abba, seeking Him in His Word, sitting quietly and humbly before Him, loving Him and being so lavishly loved by Him, and loving others with the love I’ve received, have all led me out into this sacred and spacious place, a green pasture, where I am led by still blue waters and by the still, sure voice of the One who continues to call be me by name.